WE TAKE our footy seriously, apparently, although it seems the footy itself doesn't necessarily have to be serious.
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We'll take it anyway, anyhow bewigged comedians, radio double acts, blokes from Underbelly who nobody in these parts is supposed to recognise, variously shaped past players, boots 'n' all.
The gaggles had barely dispersed from the state's water coolers yesterday morning, their breathless musings on Hamish's helmet, Andy's sweatbands and Lance Whitnall's pace still lingering in the air, when the news arrived from Channel Nine's publicity department. The 13th E.J. Whitten Legends game was the highest-rating show on Melbourne television on Tuesday night by the length of Strauchanie's mullet.
But wait, there's more.
This means that two of the three most-watched games of football on the box this season have not actually been real games of footy Tuesday night coming in third behind Collingwood's Anzac Day drubbing of Essendon, and the much-trumpeted yet ultimately inconsequential Hall of Fame Tribute Match in May.
And there were plenty of bums on Telstra Dome seats as well as living room sofas, with the crowd of 24,452 more than doubling last year's attendance and a couple of thousand more than could be bothered dragging themselves along to the Dome for St Kilda's Friday night match against Fremantle a fortnight ago, when there was the small matter of four premiership points and arguably a season at stake for one of the game's most popular yet star-crossed clubs.
The legends game has undeniable pull, not least in raising money and awareness of prostate cancer. As Telstra Dome communications manager Bill Lane said yesterday, the numbers are also an indication of how "the E.J. Whitten factor" continues to resonate, and the event is well promoted and has become very much part of the football season. Holding it in the school holidays for the first time clearly didn't hurt either.
But for the love of Damian Monkhorst's girth, it was nearly snowing on Tuesday night, with a wind that could have castrated a brass monkey. And surely even those who huddled in front of their radiators could have found more comfort in the Australia's Got Talent grand final or Kezza O'Brien followed by Big Cat Story, than learning that Andy Lee has got a modicum of sporting talent and Megan Gale.
Granted, it takes all sorts, and the world is doubtless a fuller place for the presence of people who double up at the sight of Hamish mooning Andy while standing the mark, or Scotty Cummings sitting on Strauchanie. But surely there must be boundaries to our obsession with sport, no matter how flimsy its attire.
Er, no. Nine of the 10 most-watched programs on television this year have been sports events (if you can call the presentation of the Australian Open men's final a sport, or an event). The only bucking of the trend came at No. 7, with the finale of The Biggest Loser , which is only a footy and the odd crowd invasion away from resembling Tuesday night's fare anyway.
Of course, it's fun to dream, to wonder whether that bloke from Manangatang who kicked four for the Vics could have made it if only he'd been given a chance. But perhaps there's something in the undeniable popularity of the legends game that the real footy clubs can take on board.
Radical as it may sound, if Collingwood doesn't want him, then the Melbournes, North Melbournes and Western Bulldogs of the footy world who need every member they can get could do worse than taking a punt on Strauchanie. They might not win anything, but they're sure to pull a crowd.
Top five rating football matches this season,
(Melbourne TV figures)
1. Hall of Fame tribute match
2. Essendon v Collingwood (Anzac Day)
3. E.J. Whitten Legends game
4. Carlton v Richmond, round one
5. St Kilda v Essendon, round five
Top rating shows of the year in Melbourne Australian Open men's final/presentation (Seven)
1 and 2.
3. Twenty20 Australia v India (Nine)
4. Hall of Fame tribute match (Ten)
5. Formula one grand prix (Ten)
6. Australian Open day eight (Seven)
7. Biggest Loser season finale (Ten)