Tara Wright has had six miscarriages.
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But despite the post traumatic stress she has around ultrasounds, and the "cruelty" of hope and loss she experienced she considers herself one of the lucky ones.
That's because Ms Wright has a healthy, six-year-old daughter Aria.
But Ms Wright will never stop having questions. She had five miscarriages before her daughter was born, and despite being tested for "every known condition" to see why she was struggling to carry a baby to term, Ms Wright said she plagued because her doctor was never able to find out why.
She also struggled to find mental health support.
'We simply don't have data'
Earlier in the month Assistant Health Minister Ged Kearney announced $9.5 million for miscarriage research and support.
She said about 110,000 women per year experience miscarriage but the figure was only a "best estimate".
"One of the problems we face with miscarriage is that we simply don't have data, and we don't really understand how pervasive it is," Ms Kearney said.
But the "vast majority" of the funding will be for support.
"We want to make sure that women who are going through this tragic experience of miscarriage know they can get help, that they can get some understanding, that there is support for them," Ms Kearney said.
She said it was the first time there had been dedicated funding for miscarriage in a federal budget.
'It's a vicious cycle'
Still to this day, Ms Wright said she was dealing with the metal health side effects that came from her miscarriages.
"I've now got really bad PTSD surrounding ultrasounds because I would go in for ultrasounds expecting to see dead babies, because that's just what would happen," she said.
"Each time I would fall pregnant, normal people would feel excited but I would feel dread because I know I'm going to have to go in for ultrasounds and each time expect not to see a heartbeat on those monitors."
When her daughter had to have an ultrasound on her neck, just going into the technician's room was enough to make Ms Wright hyperventilate.
Ms Wright said better mental health support for women experiencing miscarriage was urgently needed.
"It's very uncommon to have more than three miscarriages in a row. It's only like one or two per cent of the population. That's when I started to feel really isolated because there were so few people I could speak to. Everyone would be like "oh, it'll happen next time. It's alright. Just keep trying" and you get so sick of hearing it," she said.
"It's a vicious cycle of getting your hopes up and getting your hopes crushed. And you've got to bring yourself to do it all over again knowing it's probably going to happen again. It's cruel."
She's spoken to both the National Association for Loss and Grief (NALAG), and Baby Loss Mentor Rochelle Olsen and has found talking about helps her to process what happened.
Her beautiful daughter
Ms Wright counts herself as one of the fortunate ones because she has her daughter Aria.
But even that pregnancy, done through in vitro fertilisation, and the birth were not without complications.
"The dread never went away the whole way through the pregnancy. I just had this underlying fear that something would happen. And it did," Ms Wright.
At 20 weeks pregnant, Ms Wright was told the baby's growth had started slowing. She was carefully monitored until 31 weeks when she was sent to the Nepean Hospital in Sydney.
She spent the next weeks in hospital having regular ultrasounds and checks of the baby's heartbeat.
"They were worried by placenta was failing," Ms Wright said.
At 37 weeks the decision was made to induce labour.
"They induced me, I had her and then she stopped breathing," Ms Wright said.
Aria spent 10 days in the neonatal intensive care unit and then another week at Dubbo Hospital.
Ms Wright said she didn't allow herself to relax until they were home.
Still so taboo
After having Aria, Ms Wright had another miscarriage. That's when she had to accept she wouldn't have any more children.
"We just drew a line in the sand and I said mentally and physically I cannot do it anymore. It was just too much," she said.
Ms Wright said she had always been an open person and for her, talking about her experience has helped.
She even dedicated her first children's book, Kate Learns the Rainbow, to rainbow babies - so named because they're the bright light after a dark period of loss.
Miscarriage is something that needs to be spoken about more, Ms Wright said.
"It needs to stop being such a taboo topic. It happens. It's traumatic. Women need support... It needs to be talked about openly and not so hushed," she said.
For anyone else in a similar situation, Ms Wright is always keen to listen.
"I was losing hope for a long time. There was a lot of hopelessness thinking it was never going to happen. But know that I went through all this and you can still get a baby at the end of the day. Don't give up. Get the support you need, do what you need to do but keep the hope alive until you have to accept it," she said.